TOP 15 DOGCATCHER KITS (part 1)

While the paladin can be differentiated by temperament, the nature of his penitence, and the underlying sin, the ranger is a creature entirely of his environment. The hat makes the man: be it the wild wood, the sandy wastes, or the open ocean. He stands simultaneously it's subordinate and adversary.

1.     F*** YOU CHARON
        (Lethe paddler) (beastmaster)

Environment: Underwater Aquatic

Amelēs Potamos is less a river than an agriculture. Hostile spirits dig their way out of the clay shrieking for vengeance against all flesh and are placated by the water like newborns on the breast. Shriveled boatmen flit about with ladles to soothe them. A sometimes occupational hazard is imbibing the liquid yourself and wandering off into the darker darkness, and inevitably to the surface, possessed of only the most vestigial of memories.

A paddler out in the wider world shows a special talent for apprehension of undead, running them like cattle. They can't quite smell him even with their elevated senses.

Nebulous - By some arcane mechanism, the paddler blends into his environment (translucency from prolonged traffic with the dead; cursed by an ornery and only 9/10 deceased witch; via magic ring) As hide in shadows for a thief of the same level, except it is on ALL the time, like it or not - the hand moves "unconsciously to the chain about his neck."

Frank Frazetta 

2.     EARTHBOUND GLASSMAN
        (wall-crawler) (explorer)

Environment: Outer Firmament

Tales of the brilliant-cut cathedral with a window to diffuse worlds are told across all societies. This construction, if it even exists, requires a LOT of maintenance. There is only so much light to go around, of course, and requires sharing between suns. If sufficient number of windows are occluded, look out. It's Chicxulub all over again.

Hostile spiders spend a lot of time pursuing this goal — the whole "she sucked up all light she could find, and spun it forth again in dark nets, until no light could endure" deal. Lolth and her girls are only an afterglare in some abandoned alcove with a blacked-out window, sorry m'lady, you are only a lesser god after all.

To keep things illuminated, crawlers go full spider theirselves, suction cups, working outside and upside down full extra-planar. Sometimes a team drops through to retrieve a particularly noxious bunch of spiders who broke the glass. Sometimes the team get ambushed, and there's only a single one left - her silver rope cut - trying to figure out what to do next.

Combat Clairvoyance - There is a repetition out on the Superfice. Anything that happens to you has already happened a thousand times. It makes a crawler damn near impossible to hit. Modified opposed roll mechanics - roll against any successful hit and negate it if higher. HOWEVER, on a 1, adversary's roll is adjusted to a 20, and it hits someone else. (remember when you bumbled through that tiny little hole and ended up here?) 

If the crawler is feeling particularly heroic, she can THEN choose to step in front of this blow and take it herself, but at double damage (compounding if you do crits on a 20).

(if this results in her death, doubtless 1d10 crawlers will immediately appear and carry her skywards like Enoch)

Ilija Batinica

3.     SENESCHAL
        (fop handler) (falconer)

Environment: Imperial Palace

There is a wilderness inside the City. It is a Hameau de la Reine type of situation - constructed so that the aristocrats might forget their burden and adjudicate with clear consciousness. Let us all pretend we are country bumpkins - except it's a big party.

It's vicious in there, obviously, what with the debauchery and jockeying for position, and requires somebody in the background to extract over-enthusiastic participants.

Circumspection - The seneschal is RECOGNIZED by the relevant VIP. +3 on reaction roles. It's out of fear, of course, but court etiquette being as it is, it looks a lot like warmth and fraternité.

Taiko554

4.     UNEXPLODED ORDNANCE
        (man-bomb) (ferelan)

Environment - DMZ

The nightmare of asymmetrical warfare is a continual ratcheting up - repetitive exclamations of, "surely this," never mind that such term is an introductory clause, not a doctrine likely to win concessions from the adversary. Humans are wonderful for getting used to anything — so no matter the horror, you're always starting at from a newly established indifferent baseline.

You can make a bomb that does anything anymore — it doesn't have to blow the entire sky to smithereens. This is not in fact preferred, see above. Complete destruction accomplishes nothing. Rather, this weapon does the following:

1	MIND ROTTER	Widespread (1d10) damage to Int, Wis, Chr. Those reduced to zero as revenants.	5	DEBILITATOR	Ages the bodies to infirmity (1d10 damage to Str, Con, Dex).
2	DEVOLUTIONER	Inhabitants revert to their pre-evolutionary forms.	6	TOXIC INTOXICATOR	Incapacitation through inebriation, or alternatively, addiction and withdrawal.
3	RUST MONSTER	All metal becomes dust.	7	HYSTERICIZER	Mass hysteria and hallucinations.
4	SUPER SOAKER	Endless, endless rain. To yon arks, Agamemnon!	8	REFORESTER	A forest appears out of nowhere.

The more delicate the apparatus, however, the more likely the workings are to defeat their own triggering mechanism. The man-bomb has disabled himself. He has made it his business to find similarly fraught entities and disable them.

Mission: Decommission - Can take apart any explosive device, be it steampunk dwarven or bio-triggered sentient. As pick locks for a thief. Don't get the wires crossed Johnny!

Margharet Manzano

5.     BOTTLESWAIN
        (soaker) (forest runner)

Environment - Arctic Alpine

Since the invention of alcohol, there has been a process of continual refinement, both physically (a.b.v.) and mechanically (processes more elaborate) — from the yeast pit sludge of Jiahu to the roman amphorae to old Kentucky moonshine. Kandor, also known in some quarters as barabas after the de-crucified criminal (subsequent location unknown), is the latest leap forward - wherein you can drink an entire civilization over the course of a weekend. It is 254 proof, almost a perfect zenzizenzizenzic (humanity needs room for improvement or the number squishes at the end). Obviously, such an alcohol level defies mathematics, but there is some back folding here so you drink it twice.

They cook up the bottle cities in great vats, at such temperatures that a lifespan passes in a millisecond. Civilizations rise and fall. If you catch it right, you can bottle a micro-society immediately before its collapse. For a nominal price, anyone can go full on Galactus. "I fear something terrible has happened" and that.

These operations are generally illegal except in certain dictatorships where the circuitry of the state has become embroiled in the manufacture. 

The soaker is a product of a feedback loop situation where an entire factory gets hooked and collapses on itself - all the while by necessity going for cheaper and cheaper stuff until they are drinking bitter young and vigorous cities by the nation-state. This cannot but end in a Twilight Zone-ite twist wherein the genies are unbottled and the staff somehow end up inside their own bottled cities. The New Guys don't touch the stuff, leaving behind a trove of embottled workers and the one guy who was called in sick on the day of the crossover. The soaker.

Beer Goggles - A bottleswain can establish a psychic link with another similarly inebriated individual and see through their eyes. Often they do this with an animal, which although running into walls all over the place, can make a moderately inconspicuous spy. 

Wobblies - He needs it. If he is NOT consuming regularly he will barely be able to function. (-d6 to all statistics, including HP).

Stumpy:	"Have a bottle of beer, Dude?"
Dude:	"Nah. I'm full of ... beer.  It doesn't do any good."
Stumpy:	"It'll start working on you tomorrow or the next day ..."

Mike Kelley

TOP 15 GOSPELER KITS (part 3)

11.      QUINTAIN QUIXOTE
         (jousting dummy) (militarist)

Sin:    Sadism

Everyone looks on him like a doddering old fool. Never mind they can't land a clean blow.

To paraphrase Shaw, "If you beat the villeins for pleasure, avow your object frankly, and play the game according to the rules, as a foxhunter does; and you will do comparatively little harm. No foxhunter is such a cad as to pretend that he hunts the fox to teach it not to steal chickens, or that he suffers more acutely than the fox at the death."

Intercessor - In his youth, he showed an unusual enthusiasm for whipping the gawks. Now, either through change of heart, or a curse, or paranoia that the God might indeed walk about in human form, he has dedicated himself to absorbing such blows. As such, on a save vs. Death Magic he can take damage intended for another, and at -d6 damage to boot.

12.      HALEY'S PALADIN
        (stormcrow) (skyrider)      

Sin:   Secrecy

Possibly an angel or something. He is on something of a circuit. Hither and thither.

"When I heard that Shadowfax had come back riderless, I rejoiced at the return of the horse, but still more at the lack of the rider; and when Eomer brought the tidings that you had gone at last to your long home, I did not mourn. But news from afar is seldom sooth. Here you come again!"

Punctual - The oft quoted assertion by Gygax that Gandalf is a mid-level cleric makes more sense that a paladin who is a mid-level cleric is quite a paladin indeed. He sure is in a hurry! "Oh dear! Oh dear! I shall be too late!" In a pinch, can cast an additional spell at 2 levels higher. As a penalty (or a bonus, hello and goodbye impending tpk) he then disappears for d20! rounds as he is about. "I am afraid I have to leave you here now..." Hope he has a henchman!

Julie Sanger

13.      JURASSIC FOP
        (sole survivor) (squire)

Sin:    Indolence

It was a good run, while it lasted. Many thousands of years, perhaps — great deeds and towers and wonderful artifice. Alas. There remains only a single last one — their final paladin. 

Not the best by any means. Maybe not even a knight proper, but he's all that's left. His heart is in the right place. Maybe the words get all jumbled up. Maybe he dribbles a bit. But he is an authentic antique. A type I treasure.

"It wasn't very ice in all this rain and everything, but the dear fellows seemed keen on it . . . Besides, it was nice for the brachet to have a little outing It was a pity that it could never keep unwound, but there, you couldn't interfere with nature. He would have to spend all tomorrow scrubbing his armor. Well, it would give him something to do . . . which was better than wandering about all the time, with this eternal sorrow gnawing at his heart." - T. H. White, The Witch in the Wood

Aspirants - The culture has outlived itself. It collapsed under its own weight, but there too are those who wish to finish gravity's job. They are always a step or two behind. The survivor, whatever other deficits, has an excellent grasp of how to avoid them. All their arrival usually accomplishes is get him out of other varieties of hot water. Once per day, he can summon his pursuers - and evade them, their attacks falling on an alternate target. Stats as 1d6 ogres.

Save vs. Spells to dispel them again (ducking behind the table for instance and they run off after shadows). If he fails the save, he'll have to deal with them now.

Jovan Rakic (study)

14.      RELUCTANT ESCORT
        (wolf-child babysitter) (votary)     

Sin:    Rebellion

Not in fact a Lone Wolf and Cub situation. Quite the contrary. The wolf is the child. There are probably triplets or quadruplets. They need a Mary Poppins. They got this guy instead.

Holy Terrors - 1d10 of them. Families were bigger back then. Stat as 1/2 hit dice monsters, immune to non-magical weapons. Unless the DM is REALLY ambitious, they can all do the same action. Each turn, roll 1d8 to see what (and what not) they are doing:  

1	BRAWLING	Each other	5	WANDERING	Off – Where are they?
2	SOBBING	For their “mother”	6	STALKING	Some sort of dangerously large animal
3	GOBBLING	Up all the food	7	SINGING	Off-key
4	OPENING	Doors – Secret + Overt	8	FIGHTING	Anyone who looks at them halfway funny

15.      BABELSASCENSOR
        (tower climber) (wyrmslayer)

Sin:    Idolatry

A native of the plains of Shinar. 

He will tell you it is untrue that the riot of languages all of a sudden caused the fall of that wonderful Tower. Rather, it was rendered completely invisible and carried off piecemeal. Rampant jobsite theft ensued. "They said to each other, 'Come, let’s make bricks and bake them thoroughly.'" When the one shift boss says break time is "yunquenta" and the other says it's "ma-mi-a-tim," you take your revenge how you find it. What remains of the tower is like embers from a conflagration, marked by whisps of smoke.

He is collecting the remnants, to build his fortress of them, or reconstruct the Tower, or a tomb. He finds them here and there. They are thoroughly cooked now, you would think.

Ascencion - It looks a lot like climbing. A little bit like a clumsy swimmer. Once per day, as a levitation spell, he can clamber up ANY surface toward a brick, which he will chisel out and take back with him (this will take 1d8 turns. (there has to be a wall, and there has to be a brick — no floating freeform). Although it is priceless to him, and worthless to anyone else, the rescued brick is worth 200gp in XP for experience purposes.

His friends will naturally be quite skeptical of its "value," crumbling old thing.

Jovan Rakic

TOP 15 GOSPELER KITS (part 2)

6.          IMMUKNIGHT 
         (toxic avenger) (errant)

Sin: Sorrow

Some variety of environmental catastrophe has taken place, be it a poison plume, chaotic waste spill, too-deep digging, or magicks more malevolent and purposefully vengeful. The affected area is somehow cordoned off – those caught inside are just going to have to deal with it. In marches the immuknight.

Antimicrobial - Whatever IT is, it's spreading. One by one the cordoned population succumbs. The immunknight, though, has resistance. Not total – and in fact the very nature of such resistance may be that's he already partially infected. However, not only is he resistant, he can also convey this resistance to others. The laying on hands of an immuknight acts an antibody instead of healing HP.

Weta Workshop Design Studio

7.     GWRAGEDD ANNIE
        (watery tart) (expatriate)

Sin: Thirst

After a while a water spirit gets sick of the repetition. She provides a magic armament to a promising warlord, he uses it well for a while, then falls prey to the same forces that he opposed at the start and for which she armed him. Much like an addled CEO firing the graphics team, she figures she can just as easily do it herself.

Anteausine Invulnerabiltiy - As long as the Annie has one foot in running water, she is invulnerable to damage, full stop.

David Brooke

8.    VERMIN WARDEN
        (rat catcher) (ghosthunter)

Sin: Toxicity

Full on Warhammer. There are wererats skittering around the guts of civilization like Flash Taco. They can't help having a sneaky look but are very chatty and persuasive. They cover the small with abundant quantities perfume and cash. The paladin as Rorschach. 

“The rat-catcher’s dress is usually a velveteen jacket, strong corduroy trowsers, and laced boots. Round his shoulder he wears an oil-skin belt, on which are painted the figures of huge rats, with fierce-looking eyes and formidable whiskers. His hat is usually glazed and sometimes painted after the manner of his belt. Occasionally—and in the country far more than in town—he carries in his hand an iron cage in which are ferrets, while two or three crop-eared rough terriers dog his footsteps. Sometimes a tamed rat runs about his shoulders and arms, or nestles in his bosom or in the large pockets of his coat. When a rat-catcher is thus accompanied, there is generally a strong aromatic odour about him, far from agreeable; this is owing to his clothes being rubbed with oil of thyme and oil of aniseed, mixed together. This composition is said to be so attractive to the sense of the rats (when used by a man who understands its due apportionment and proper application) that the vermin have left their holes and crawled to the master of the powerful spell.” – Henry Mayhew, London Labour and the London Poor

You well know where this is going:

Small Vicious Dog - You have no idea HOW small and HOW vicious these things can be. They are little more than rats themselves, but anointed by the deity against lycanthropes.

https://www.reddit.com/user/MSCreativeart/

9.     SCARECROW
        (syn doctor) (inquisitor)

Sin: Inflexible

Here is an answer to how to be Lawful Good in a Lawful Evil society. There's the Incredibles answer: 

... or there's a kind of split-personality thing. Is he Chaotic now with a mask on? No! Or, that is, only whilst wearing it. It's transgressive, baby! The paladin as a grotesque. You know, "The body discloses its essence as a principle of growth which exceeds its own limits only in copulation, pregnancy, childbirth, the throes of death, eating, drinking, or defecation." (M. Bakhtin). The soldiers of the king fear his name.

Disassociation - The scarecrow is multi-classed. Split XP across each personality, but they do not cohabitate or interfere with each other. The masked vigilante version can be any class, and really any alignment. Optionally, you can kill one without killing the other.

Patrick McGoohan

10.    ENDYMIONIAN
        (sheepherder hobo) (medician)

Sin: Hoarder

We all know that the timely ringing of the church bell will dispel the worst ghosts and pursuant extra-planars. The endymionian brings the churchbell to you.

It doesn't have to be bells. It could be lighting little fires everywhere (a candleknight) or being trailed by a flock of pigeons (a dovecoat). The operative principal is the guy is a walking cathedral out amongst the flock.

Low Camp(anologist) - According to the theoreticians, the ringing of bells (or lighting of fires) (or scattering of stale bread for birds) is composed of three ingredients: incongruity, theatricality, and humors:

        Incongruitous - This guy is playing a different game than everyone else. Energized by the Eschaton. He does "moves" instead of actions.

        Theatrical - Party cannot surprise anyone due to the ringing/fires/birds/etc. (-1) on wandering monster rolls or similar.

        Humorous - Although earthly critters are attracted to the commotion, unnatural are repelled. The bells discourage infiltration by creatures melancholic (undead - turned as cleric of the same level), sanguine (devils), choleric (demons), phlegmatic (slaad-punks).

(There exist disciplines of high campanology as well, but they are more academic than practical, a box inside a box - devotees of a particular saint dressed in his vestments and tending to his statue. Low camp is for out in the world amid the people).

Caleb Cole